Tuesday 9 February 2010

teaser tuesday is a bad guy

Today’s Teaser Tuesday is a scene from IRONBANE, in which Anjen demonstrates her amazing ability to turn everyone around her into bad guys.

(Context: Anjen is leading a train of refugees out of the marches one step ahead of the Winterfolk. In every village Anjen recruits whoever she can, seizes all the supplies and abandons anyone who won't come with her to die. Not everyone is enthralled with her tactics.)

*

Anjen needed a quiet place to plan, so she headed to a deserted fire on the outskirts of camp, a red gleam of embers. The warmth soaked into her bones; she could have cried for joy. She sketched a map in the dirt with the tip of her stick. Here lay the village, here the high ground, this slope was so thickly wooded as to be impassable ...

Footsteps crunched in the snow behind her. She’d thought she was alone here. She started to turn.

A branch smashed across her skull. Lights burst inside her head. She collapsed like a puppet whose strings had been cut. Her fingers twitched in the dirt. Embers glowed brilliant red in front of her; the pain in her head was so huge she couldn’t seem to focus on anything else.

Someone dragged her up by the back of her coat. Her knee locked when she tried to stand, she yelped and fell back. The stranger picked up her stick. Anjen clutched at a log but the frosted bark slid slippery under her fingers and she couldn’t haul herself upright.

The stick cracked down. Her fingers broke. Pain jolted through her; she strangled off a scream. She snatched her hand back, fingers throbbing, and the slightest move made the broken bones grind. Fuck.

The tip of the stick lifted her chin. She shrank, kicked herself for shrinking, made herself look up the length of the stick. For an instant she knew, heart-skittering breath-stopping certainty, that it was --

Kellen towered over her, red hair wild, face white and gaunt. “Remember me?”

Having her bones broken encouraged her to think back. Night. Snow. Panic. A sword point bursting out of a man’s belly, a woman who screamed when she saw Summer’s disfigured face, trinkets shattering on the frozen ground.

“You robbed us and left us to die. You remember that, right? Taking all our weapons, our iron and salt, abandoning us?” Kellen slashed down. The stick caught her upflung arm instead of her skull; something cracked, numbness shot up the bone. “You led the Winterfolk to us,” Kellen spat, and hit her again. Stupidly, Anjen tried to defend herself with the same arm. The stick hurt worse the second time: she gritted her teeth and couldn’t quite lock the cry in her throat, tears stinging her eyes, pain red and shocking. “You led the Winterfolk straight to us. They were looking for you. They killed everyone, they killed my -- I could have saved her, I could have defended her, if you hadn’t robbed us and left us to die.”

Couldn’t get up, her knee was shot. Couldn’t fight back. On the edge of camp, with all her men making as merry as they could, nobody would hear. Kellen was just going to break every bone in her body. Nothing she could do but take it. “Screw you,” Anjen croaked.

Kellen braced the stick across her throat and leaned.

The words strangled off in her throat. Anjen panicked. She choked and struggled and Kellen leaned harder, watching her face and enjoying this. She scrabbled in the dirt, clawed herself halfway up with her good fingers digging into a tree, fell back. Her foot kicked a scatter of fiery embers everywhere. “My daughter was seven,” Kellen murmured, methodically choking her. “Just seven. They killed her. Because of you.”

Everything was a red blur.

Distantly she heard the sounds of footsteps and voices. She tried to warn them, tell them to run, but it just came out a broken sound in her throat.

It was Summer, saying “Absolutely, I’m easy,” in that lazy, warm voice he used to talk to girls. The girl laughed. She sounded happy. “Whatever you want. I’m not -- ah, fuck.”

The pressure ripped away. Anjen choked and found she could breathe, drew in a rush of sweet air through her burning throat. Her fingers hurt, her wrist hurt, her ribs felt dented from being knelt on. She coughed and sputtered and just lay there panting for a while letting the world slide back into focus.

Kellen lay in the dirt, mouth bleeding, sword point at her throat. Summer pinned her with one foot. “Anjen,” Summer said through his teeth, never taking his eyes off his captive. “Anjen, say something, tell me you’re --“

Kellen spat out blood. “Hope I’ve killed her.”

His jaw clenched and his hands tightened on the hilt. Surely he of all people wouldn’t hurt an unarmed woman, a prisoner, not Summer with his ridiculous urge to be as good as his heroic father. “M’ fine,” Anjen croaked, trying to soothe him. Her throat was on fire. She swallowed, and regretted it.

“I know hurting prisoners isn’t very heroic.” Summer spoke in a low even voice that was not at all reassuring. He leaned on the sword. The point bit in. Kellen froze; blood leaked into the hollow of her throat. “And I don’t care any more. Understand? I’d throw all that away. If you so much as look at her, I will rip out your spine.”

Kellen swallowed against the tip of the blade, eyes wide, and didn’t look at her.

*

19 comments:

  1. ooooh! I really love the grittiness of everything I've read from this so far. I love this scene because it seems very realistic, nothing glamorous or over the top, just raw pain.
    Great stuff.

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  2. Your descriptions of violence and pain are just as awesome as I remembered, woman.

    And I'm kind of developing a thing for Summer.

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  3. Oh new snippet I haven't read yet - yay! Love the way Anjen is a total villain, only that she's the protagonist and we still sympathize with her. Also, Summer rocks as always and I really like the way you interspersed backstory (Anjen abandoning people) without being info-dumpy. Great snip!

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  4. Wow. That was intense! And I was so surprised when she turned around -- I wasn't expecting an attacker! I really enjoyed this.

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  5. Bloody, violent, and suspenseful. It sounds like you're on your way to writing an interesting fantasy novel here.

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  6. This is such a cool WIP. Very edgy and intense!

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  7. Your descriptions are intense and it's amazing that you can get me this riled up with a snippet.

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  8. The scene is great, really picking up after the second crack of the stick against Anjen. The first reaction, I thought, was a little too slow, the realizations of pain too disjointed to be happening in the moment.

    I think it might be me, but I was getting a little pronoun confusion with Kellen. I think at one point it says that blood oozed from "her" wound when Summer leans the sword point against Kellen?

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  9. Intense and suspenseful, which is great!

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  10. Love, love your descriptions. A wonderfully intense scene. I also had a bit of gender pronoun confusion going on by the end. Same as Gretchen.

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  11. *cringe* My fingers hurt just reading that. Great teaser, as usual! :)

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  12. Whoa, Para, that was intense! And I love the way you've twisted around protagonist and antagonist roles. :)

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  13. Impressive, as always. Though for some reason I keep interpreting "Summer" as a girl's name lol i dont know why. It has nothing to do with ur WIP. I think it's something i watched on tv

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  14. *whistles* Wow. I love the pace and description for this! I think this is the first of your teasers I've read, but I loved it :)

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  15. I winced at the finger break. Also loved the line about her fingers slipping on frost. Very tactile.

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  16. Glen, you're thinking of Summer Glau in Firefly, don't you? ;) She's a girl. IMO Summer works both ways though, so I wouldn't worry about it.

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  17. Awesome, I want to read the whole thing.

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  18. Very poignant and tense. The pace is great and, from someone who's both broken bones AND crushed her finger, I can say you've hit the feelings perfectly! (no pun intended! lol).

    This is one of your best, if not THE best teaser I've read of yours so far!!! Great Job!!!

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  19. Sorry, I'm late. Loved this--great descriptions, super gritty and intense scene. I agree exactly with Gretchen, though--the first reaction to her pain almost seemed like a laundry list of things, and I had this disconnect. It almost seemed to go too slow and was more than she would have been able to process at that moment.

    But then you get to this part:

    Having her bones broken encouraged her to think back. Night. Snow. Panic. A sword point bursting out of a man’s belly, a woman who screamed when she saw Summer’s disfigured face, trinkets shattering on the frozen ground.

    which I found super effective, plus pretty much everything after it!

    I'm really interested in your world here though, and what's going on. Sounds like it will be an awesome UF--WOOT! :D

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