Tuesday 5 January 2010

teaser tuesday strikes back

Another teaser from my epic fantasy IRONBANE. Anjen is masquerading as the back-from-the-dead Winter Queen; Robben is a smitten friend and follower.

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Anjen was brooding on the walls when gentle hands drew her coat more tightly around her; Anjen nearly fell off the wall. Of course it was Robben, a warm presence at her elbow. “Mistress Anjen?”

The sword bumped against her leg every time she moved. She couldn’t understand how Summer put up with it, it was a huge clumsy thing. “Yes?”

“You’re not afraid.” He made it a question at first, then forced a smile. “Burned God, of course you’re not. What would ever scare you?”

She couldn’t understand him sometimes. Did she look like she had ice instead of blood, like she was some inhuman thing that felt no fear, like she was the bloody Winter Queen?

She reached into the warmth trapped inside her coat and pulled out her bottle. Robben made a disapproving face. She ignored him and drank deep; the liquid coursed hot and fierce down her throat, lighting a trail of fire down into her belly. There. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

Of course he wanted her to be the Winter Queen. That was what he needed from her: coldness in the face of danger. She couldn’t allow him to see her hands shaking on the bottle. Probably shouldn’t let him see her drinking at all.

She aimed the bottle at him. “You know why we could never, ever be together?”

Robben flinched. A dark part of her liked that.

“Because you’re weak.” Anjen spaced each word out deliberately. “You jump at every shadow, and you thin everyone must be scared like you.” She drank again. It gave her such a rush, like she could bring anyone down. “But you know who isn’t and has never been scared?” She leaned in until the sword hilt dug painfully into her hip, holding his eyes. “Me. I’m the goddamn Winter Queen. I kill everyone who crosses me, I invade countries, I come back from the dead. So don’t you think that you can taint me with your fear, that you can crack this mask, because it’s not a fucking mask. It’s real. I’m real. And I’m not afraid.”

Robben looked painfully small.

Success.

“I’m going to win this.” Anjen made it a promise. “It won’t be pretty. But I will. Not. Lose. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Robben said in a tiny voice. “Your Majesty.”

That had a sweet sound to it. Like she was something greater and more terrible than just a woman getting old. “Get back to your post.”

25 comments:

  1. Oooh, I like this a lot. Great characters here! I love the way she thinks. "A dark part of her liked that." Great line. And wonderful scene.

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  2. I love your writing. You have such a strong voice.
    What I really like about this piece is how flawed Anjen seems to be. I started reading and thought 'yes, this is interesting, a sword and sorcery fantasy' and then, bam! Out comes the bottle. I loved that!
    I hope you're going to post more of this.

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  3. love the bottle! Love how ruthless she sounds. Great stuff. Poor Anjen, lol.

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  4. I love how her thoughts are so different from her words! She seems to be a great heroine. I'm very interested in this!

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  5. I can already tell this is going to be of epical proportions. Wow!

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  6. Oh, this is beautiful. You give us two sides of her so clearly and the conflict between them is an immediate hook.

    Finish this, woman, so I can read the rest!

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  7. Ooh, loved this! Loved how you showed Anjen so clearly - the silent part and the part she's playing. Am hooked!

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  8. Love this kind of writing/story. Great voice. It really shines through.

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  9. I really like this...like a lot! Makes me not want to wait till next week! :)

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  10. I'll just echoe everyone else and say it's great! Can't wait to read more!

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  11. What a wonderful teaser.

    Voice <3

    Definitely want to see more...

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  12. Great conflict, man--love it. I <3 tormented characters, and you've done such an awesome job of introducing us to one here.

    Would love to read more. :)

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  13. Me likey! Love the conflict/tension. Great snip.

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  14. Epic fantasy? Nice, my fav genre. And this piece rocked. I love the Winter Queen and how she tears down Robben! *i have a dark sense of humor >_> *

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  15. Para, I've never read any of your work, but this is fantastic! I love the contrast between the inner dialogue and what she's actually saying. And poor Robben - I feel for him.

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  16. Great pace throughout. I liked how her drinking altered her just slightly, and the more mater-of-fact dark tone. One thing I'm not sure is how valid those swears are. A pet peeve of mine is swearing in a world that has no history behind the words.

    (Rosey commenting, btw)

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  17. I really like epic fantasy. The voice is great!

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  18. Love this! I'm a HUGE fan of epic fantasy :)

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  19. Whoah. That was a vivid scene -- the Winter Queen is a strong character! :]

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  20. I like this, and I am NOT a huge fan of epic fantasy. I don't like a lot of it, to be honest. I like this because it plays with typical fantasy elements and twists them around. I love that she's kind of a beeotch too! I'd definitely read more.

    Am not sure about using "fuck" either but it would probably depend on a context I don't have for this yet.

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  21. I was sad for Robbin, poor dude doesn't know what to do.

    Overall, this was a really strong piece. The only thing I'm wondering about is if the curse words are right for the universe/time period you seem to be working with, though obviously I can't know for sure.

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  22. Love the thing with the bottle and the way that the things she says completely contrast her inner thoughts. I'm very intrigued!

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  23. I second Angie's comment about the contrast between thoughts and words. That was totally unexpected but totally understandable at the same time. I also love her Winter Queen rant. Awesome.

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  24. This is really nicely written. Polished, smooth, intriguing...

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  25. I like the voice in this. Very realistic. You show her fear and determination well. Good job.

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